The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.
- Charles Dubois
A deep feeling bubbles to the top. All you can think about is how you feel. You look around and all you see is what you are in, unable to get out. No way out. You take another look, and what you see takes you to other places. The feelings pulling you back, but you fight it, to get out. You take a step back and see that what you feel is not everything there is, but there are other things you can look at and feel. You take another step back, and another, until you realize what you felt is so small compared to what your life is all about.
You take one more look around, you realize, that the feeling you felt in the beginning is more familiar. You don’t want to lose it, no matter how difficult it is. You walk back, back into the center and you fill yourself with the feelings you started with. This, feels more real that anything else. You take it all in. You are it.
There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.
- George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman
The first thing you notice are the sounds. Deep as though there is no end, echoing but muffled, like there is something unclear about what it is you are hearing. You take a split second to adjust to the sounds. The next thing you notice is the cool liquid on your skin, so cool, so smooth like a pair of hands cupping your face. When you move, the liquid moves with you, not against you, still gently upon your face, and head, and neck. You start to realize you need to breath but you cannot help enjoy the feeling of being under water. You open your eyes, things aren’t clear but you see blue, blue until the depths of the area you are in. You take it all in, enjoy it, close your eyes and move your head around wanting to stay in just a little longer but you want to take a breath.
You hold on till the last second.. till you have to get out of the water.
You pull yourself up. The blinding light is what you notice first. Your eyes still closed, you open them and your eyes adjust to the light still seeing blue, a different blue this time. The wind rushes against your face, cooling you down as the droplets of water descend your cheeks to your chin and fall into the water. You open your mouth, and you take a full and complete breath of fresh air filling up your lungs, rushing your body with oxygen. You feel so fresh. Then as the water slowly trickles out of your ear, the muffled sounds slowly get louder and clearer, more so as more water leaves your ears. You blink, and it all comes together– the breeze tickling your face and hair, the sunlight and endless blue sky, and the sounds of the crashing waves…
…You can’t help but smile.
Your eyes fall upon something, and your vision fades and all you see is a memory. A memory triggered by what you saw, or a scent, or even a way something felt. Your vision blurs and all you see is the memory, it comes into focus. The sounds get louder, the image clears up, and you see so clearly the memory that you are reliving.
After it becomes clear, something else starts to happen, you regain the emotions attached to this memory, your heart skips a beat, your body starts to feel warmer, you take a short breath, not wanting to leave this memory behind. You live it, in the moment, and you recall how much you wish for that moment to keep on going.
It makes you feel good to remember, to be in that moment again like you never left it.
You hold on to it, get deeper in it, and all you live is in your memory.
You don’t want to let go, you want to live within it forever.
You miss it.
You long for it.
Cannot wait to feel it again.
You hesitate. You think you want to but you stop to think. You weigh the thoughts, the emotions, and the consequences. You measure each outcome, yet you find out that you want more. More of what? You’re not sure, but you know it isn’t enough. You think about how you can make it more. You can’t, not unless things change drastically. You wonder, you still have to make a decision but you aren’t sure yet. What should you do? Which option should you take? You think, yet, you want to make a decision. You were not sure — not then. So, are you sure now?
You are in a moment, you are lost, you are not aware. You are in only one place and you do not see or feel what is around you, because at that time nothing else exists but what is in front of you. Your eyes see what is in front of you, you only hear and sense what is in front of you. You do not sense time nor space, you are lost in a universe where only your laws apply. You hear and do what only seems natural.
You awake, not literally but mentally and you begin to hear things, feel things, smell things that were there before but got lost during that moment. The thing in front of you now is blended into the world that you are back in. You feel odd, like you departed from this universe into a special universe that only you could access. Now, you are back. Back into the general universe everyone else belongs to. You think about that moment, how beautiful and wonderful it was. You smile.
Flutter like the fluff in the sky. You wait, expecting to close your eyes and smile. Instead, an immense emotion builds inside, and you explode– with laughter. So joyful, so lost in happiness, all you think and feel is how funny that was.
It slowly settles, into giggles and tears. You sigh and smile wide, a true moment of happiness.
Thank you for giving me the experience. These dissipating moments that only leave a slight memory of the world, not complete but still satisfying. The emotions stirred and the way these emotions change the perception with which the eyes do see. A true moment, while gone, is real no less. Recorded in the mind and will be visited once in a while just to reenact a feeling rather than the moment itself. For the moment is not one of view but one of sound and feelings stirred like no other. Thank you.
The second lecture of Week one of the Foundations of Teaching for Learning 1: Introduction course has touched on the subject of understanding what it means to be a teacher.
Thinking about this exercise has reminded me of a quote by Phil Collins,
“In learning you will teach, and in teaching you will learn.”